Archive | July, 2012

Rush Limbaugh Erupts

Rush Limbaugh, the nationally-known comic,was found atop a steam grate in Times Square just after 10am last Thursday morning, his head having exploded like an overripe watermelon. Smoking blood tinged with chartreuse bile formed a crust around the crater that was his shirt collar.

Limbaugh had apparently erupted upon news that the Supreme Court had approved President Barack Obama’s Affordable Care law.

“The news that the Federal Government had actually taken a humane, compassionate action that benefited a measurable percentage of the population was just too much for him, I guess,” said Suni Krumbacher, a traffic analyst for MTV. “If it doesn’t promote hatred or serve elitism, it violates both his principles.”

Just back from his wildly successful “Verbal Sodomy” tour, Mr. Limbaugh was preparing to spend the campaign months crowing about Obama’s utter ineffectiveness in government and.widespread unpopularity. “Rush lost about 93 scripts on Thursday,” said Krumbacher. “A lot of his insurance sponsorship also pulled out. And the pharma sector cut off his supply. He’s in bad shape.”

Mitt Romney, whose only reaction to the news was to issue a bumper sticker, “The Only Way To Remove Romney-Care Is To Remove Obama”, observed that Limbaugh’s eruption was “not ready for these times”, a reference to the comic’s line in his Tuesday monologue that Romney was “not ready for primetime,” in itself a reference to Saturday Night Live, which sort of sums it all up, I’d say.

A statement released by the office of Speaker of the House John Boehner read, in part, “What? y … they said it was WHAT? O holy Christ, you’re kiddi … what? both halves … of all the … what’s this fucking Roberts think he’s been paid for …wait a minute … is this thing on …” It was followed minutes later by a strong denial. For what that’s worth.