The U.S. today approved a UN Security Council resolution granting the Taliban taxicab franchises in ten cities in Western Europe and the United States.
“It will keep them busy,” said a Western diplomatic source who refused to be identified for fear of reprisals from taxi drivers who know where they’re going. “It’ll give them presence in Western cities, and it will allow us to negotiate with them, if we flag the right cabs.”
Approximately thirty thousand cabs will hit the streets by the Christmas shopping season, roughly three thousand in each city named. The cities will be named in the next two weeks.
“We expect their presence will have an immediate positive impact,” said Rick Curmaty, spokesman for the Taxi and Limousine Commission in New York. “Here, they’ll fit right in, of course. Nobody’ll know the difference, It’ll just be a little easier to find a cab when you need one,”
In London, however, there was a somewhat different response. “Absobloodylutely, I’m brassed over it. My daddy was the fourth generation hackie, and I’m the fifth. We know our trade. Last thing I need is to duke it out wit some [here a racial epithet was used. We will demur]. Bloody hell.”
Other cities expected to be named are Paris, Hamburg, Marseilles, Rome, Berlin and Stockholm.
“We do not want them right now in Oslo,” said Bjorn Bjanoffson. “Feelings are running too high. Perhaps later, if there is a later. If our culture survives and there is a need for taxicabs.”
“O ja, you becha,” said Sven Kaabelhaff. “Let them take people from Baghdad to Dajail.”
“I hope we are included,” said Gnaz Pliskanak, a Turkish student or architecture in Vienna. “Right now, the hummus you can get here is … you don’t want to know. With more demand, from people with standards, it can’t help but get better.”
In other news, ABC released a definitive study indicating that, while SpongeBob is not making your child stupid, you probably are.