In conjunction with the New York State law sanctioning same-sex marriage, Stellar Manufacturing, of Cheektowaga, NY, a prosthetic manufacturer, has announced a new line of artificial genitalia.
“We offer a complete array of OEM body parts,” said Stellar’s President, Myron “Scuffy” McDermott. “From implanted penises and vaginas, fully functional and neurologically integrated for complete sensual interpersonal bonding, to outboard dicks and cunts for those who just want to fuck. Know what I mean? We got it all.”
The Stellar line was originally produced with the internet in mind. “Our appliances are USB-ready. Totally plug-and-play,” said McDermott. Software linking the devices is free, downloadable from www.stellarprosthetic.com, along with instructions. A separate manual, “The Stellar Cookbook: a Kama Sutra for the New Age”, is also available in print and electronic versions for both Kindle and Nook.
“We have a pre-release order list over a thousand names long,” he said. “And endorsement deals with ex-athletes, ex-congressmen, even ex-astronauts. This stuff is perfect for the businessman or businesswoman who spends most of their time on the road and wants to keep the home fires burning, as it were.”
The outboard devices are wireless and 2-way. Also, the connection matrix is completely user-configurable. “Threesomes are just for starters,” said, McDermott.
“It actually works on MIDI sequencing,” said McDermott. “Think of it as playing your partner’s organ – all four keyboards at once.”
Elsewhere, in a moment of unbelievable insensitivity, a noted satirist tastelessly linked the headlines, “NY State Legalizes Same Sex Marriage” and Dike Breached in North Dakota city”. Some say, he should be shot. Now.