On the eve of the New Hampshire primary, the Republican effort to undermine the elective process bent the envelope of American credulity to new standards of bloated surreality by conducting not one but TWO public mass debates within twelve hours of each other.
“You know you’ve been to Looneyville and back when people think Rick Santorum is saner than Rick Perry,” said Dr Phineas Windsock, of Amherst. Dr Windsock went on to characterize the performances as “four hours of communal, mental self-abuse.”
“I’ve done this sort of thing myself, of course. We all have. But that’s when we’re eight, and at summer camp,” he said. “It’s part of the explorations of youth. As such, it’s understandable. And, when we did it, we made sure we were out of sight of the adults.” Dr Windsock, holder of a PhD in Philosophy from Willard Scott University, is currently the weekend manager of Adele’s SpeedStop and Gas, in South Hadley, just outside Amherst.
“Personally, I was impressed they could get it up for a second round,” said Geraldine Swinbourne, of Bayou Lucie, LA. “Especially that Ron Paul. He must have more lead in his pencil than I thought. On a Sunday morning, even I usually sleep in.”
Michael Vickky, President of the Upper Gutchkee Chamber of Commerce and an ardent supporter of the debate system, said, “Hey, it’s kind of like putting six ferrets in a 55-gallon drum and spraying them with hot sauce.”
Absent from this weekend’s double-dip, Michele Bachmann sent best wishes to all the candidates from her vacation home on Mars.
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